TREDFOR Experience: Final Synthesis

The TREDFOR journey has ended, and there are surely lots of things I learned and sudden realizations that came along the way.

The discussions of the class started out with a recap of the past 3 TRED courses. TREDONE and TREDTWO were a little blurry in my head since they were 2 and 1 year/s ago respectively. TREDTRI was a little fresh since I took it just last term. These TRED courses were really helpful in making me prepared for the real world. More focused on TREDFOR, the discussions went to Jesus' life and disciples. Moreover, what does Christ mean or what does being a Christian mean? Then we moved on to the vocation/calling part. Vocation can also be called as passion, calling in a sense that God is leading us to a certain path. There are 3 types of calling, namely, marital, holy orders, and single blessedness. At first I did not understand what single blessedness was, and thought of it as people who are just single. But our professor reiterated that these kinds of people are single by choice. Then the discussions shifted to the broad topic of marriage. This is where people were more excited and ready to learn. The succeeding topics were indeed very helpful in relationships with not only my family but also my girlfriend. The stories, opinions and experiences that each of my classmate had were very meaningful and fruitful. I can definitely learn from them and approach them whenever I have problems of my own. I myself am part of a relationship and with the insights I gained from TREDFOR, I am able to apply them in our relationship and make it better. Especially the topic regarding mutual empathy, and guidelines of talking with the partner. I have learned not to shout, understanding my partner, putting myself in her shoes, choosing the words that I am about to say and listening very carefully. The birth order topic was interesting for me as well because it focused more on the characteristics of my siblings based on our birth order. This made me literally compare my siblings to the characteristics being discussed in class (in the pdf file), and somehow relating it to my parents as well. The family genogram was an important topic as well because it highlighted us knowing our family and relatives more, getting connected to them more and knowing their background as a family. Not only was I able to learn things about myself, but also about my family, my siblings, and my partner. There were lots of questions being raised that I didn't even think of before, but I was ready to answer them fully. These answers and decisions I will be making will change depending on the situations and challenges that will come in the future.

The interview with a married couple was the best way of knowing my parents regarding their married life. It was a serious talk with them and they answered the questions seriously too, unlike when we talk with them casually. It made me realize that a married life is a complicated life, but with a partner, both can get through problems together.

The pre-cana seminar was a great experience regarding knowing the do's and don'ts in a married life, as well as a journey of an individual throughout her long relationship with her husband. There were real life experiences and stories mentioned and I saw couples who were about to get married in the next 6 months, listening carefully and looking ready for their marriage.

TREDFOR has been a good preparation and learning ground for me, and surely I will be applying the things I learned in the future. The topics were relevant in knowing one another and have a deeper understanding of oneself and the relationships of a person. Not only love relationships, but also family-wise. These topics aim to mold me into a better person to serve God even more, and with the chosen vocation and the calling He has given me, I would best use these things I learned to the fullest extent for God.

Reflection: Married Couple Interview

As a brief recap, I interviewed my parents because they are my ideal example of a married couple.

I realized that currently my family has been struggling financially but my parents have been doing their best to keep our family together. Because of them I learned the values of being part of a family, being there for each other, giving good advice and sharing our stories because others may come and go, but my family will always be there. Married couples are different from one another and I know that my parents are certainly unique, why? Because despite our current hardships and debts, they still manage to make us happy even through the hardest of times. This is one thing I can see that I must do for my children in the future as well, be there for them all the time. Be there on their graduation, on their birthdays, and other special dates. I know some rich kids who are missing their parents because the parents work too much and have no time for them. I want to be just like my parents who are always available to talk to and ask advice about school or love. They have made a lot of sacrifices for us, and in turn I have to return the favor for them when I grow up. My father treats my mother in a good way, making her smile through his corny jokes and shenanigans. I interviewed them because they are the ideal couple for me, and I would also treat my partner in the future the same way as my father treats my mother. At first, I think the married life would be easy (as so my parents thought also), but through listening and understanding their story, my view of the married life changed in an instant. The sudden realization of the challenges that I might face as well clouded me. But I know that there are other people who are willing to help and will surely be of assistance when the time comes.

I still have much to learn about my parents and the married life but the learning and growth is surely still continuing until now. In this way, I can get closer to my parents and relate to them more, and eventually be able to help them if they have problems as well.

Interview: Married Couple

The married couple I interviewed was my parents, Jennie Chua Go and William Kho Go. They go married on January 16, 1994 and are married for 21 years (I am 20 years old now),

Q: Please explain the details how you met each other. 

Mom: I was working for La Swerte Cigarette factory in the marketing division. Then a group of my agent friends introduced us to each other.

Q: What influenced your decision to get married? 

A: Age. We wanted to have a family of our own, and we decided we were at the right age and settle down and have our own children.

Q: What are the blessings of married life? 

A: The most important blessing would be the children that are fruits of our love. They made the family very lively and complete. The blessings of a married life would also be being alongside each other till death do we part. I would be knowing that everyday I have somebody that I can depend on and a second opinion on things.

Q. What are the challenges of married life? 

Mom: One of the challenges of being in a married life would be being ready for children. We thought it would be easy since we read some books and asked advice from other people with children of their own. It was very difficult to handle our time and rotate since we have 3 children. Even though we have gotten nannies, it is still a challenge for us to cope with their needs. The financial stability has always been a problem for us ever since the children were born. The business was not holding up and there were the tuition fee of the children. We wanted them to have a good educational background, if not the best so we sent them to my alma mater, Saint Jude Catholic School. Of course, the price of high quality education would be costly. Furthermore, balancing the time has always been a challenge for us.

Q: How did you overcome these challenges?

A: In the long run, we sought help from our friends and relatives who were willing to help us by giving us short and long term advice that can guide us through our hardships. For the financial problems, we are slowly getting past it together. We know that our relatives are ready to help us anytime. For balancing the time, we decided that we should all eat together every dinner and talk about how our day went. We should also be going out at least once a week, Sundays to be exact.

Q: What can you advise to the young people who are in a relationship and plans to get married? 

A: We can advise the young people out there to become fully prepared and knowledgeable on what they are going to be facing when they get married. They should be able to plan ahead and situation themselves on different problems and issues that might occur and see on how they would solve it. They should also be planning on how many children they might have and financially ready for any circumstance.

Reflection: Pre-Cana Seminar

I attended a pre-cana seminar held at San Agustin Parish, San Agustin Church, Intramuros, Manila on March 28, 2015.

At first, I did not know what I would be hearing from the seminar, I thought it was only the do's and don'ts of a married life. But moreover, it gave me insights of what to expect in a married life from a perspective of an "expert". There are surely lot of things to learn throughout an experience of being married, and it depends on one's decision on how to approach challenges to conquer it with his/her partner. The time being married to a partner, is time to get to know one another more and learn each other's secrets, strengths and weaknesses. Through the speaker, I can see that she is contented with her partner in life and does not ask for more. I realize that if I am to have a good relationship in the future, I should learn to be more caring, more understanding, and be contented with what I have (if not, it directly leads to the 7 Deadly Sins). Furthermore, once I marry my partner in life, we will be living together forever, just like in what is written in the marriage vows, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part." It is a very strong line to uphold in the future and the test of time will puncture it. Life is full of challenges, so as being married to another individual. It creates even more excitement in life as proportional to the challenges and problems that are awaiting to be solved by the couple together. Relating it to my parent's situation, if one of them has a problem, the other has to know so they can solve it together, may it be financially, physically, spiritually. A good example would be my mother had stage 2 breast cancer, it was December 2012, and my father did his all to secure the funds needed to pay the medical bills of my mother. He always made himself present with her during her time of need, we were there as well. There I saw the love and bond that my parents have, and what I may be experiencing in the future. I realized that if one really loves his/her partner, he/she would go to a whole different level of making her feel that the partner is the most important person in his/her life. I see the importance of attending a pre-cana seminar before pursuing a wedding.

For the quote: "Life is what you make it." It made so much sense to me, as nobody can tell me what to do and control my life except for myself. I should not care on what other people think of me, except for my life partner. This is because she will always be there for me when the time comes that I need utmost help, and for sure I will always be there for her.

It has been a good experience to attend such a meaningful seminar. I have now gained a glimpse of what is to come in the future of my relationship and the path that I have chosen. It might be a different situation for different couples, but nonetheless there is no obstacle that a couple can't overcome.

Pre-Cana Seminar

I attended a pre-cana wedding seminar held at San Agustin Parish, San Agustin Church, Intramuros, Manila on March 28, 2015. The speaker or chatechist at that time was Mrs. Ofelia D. Granados. Me and my friends were seated at front, because we weren't couples who are going to get married, so that we won't make noise at the back as well. It was a very small room, but there were around 20-25 couples who are going to get married in the next 6 months or so. The speaker looks very knowledgeable and funny at first. She told us that most pre-cana seminars would last up to 3 days, but she insisted the parish priest that her version of the seminar would last only half a day. I was wondering on what is in store for us that day in the seminar. She gives us a brief recap of what "Marriage" really is. It is a Sacrament (Sacrament of Matrimony), a lifetime commitment, total giving of oneself, a calling/vocation, and pro-creation with God. She told us the 5 values of an individual to his/her partner. These are love, trust, honesty (is still the best policy), respect, and faithfulness. For the pro-creation part, she tells us that it's goal is to start a new family of our own, always love each other and have our own children. She then discusses to us about her life with her husband. Even though they came from a wealthy family, they have been living life as a middle classed one. They only have 1 daughter and it has been very hard for them not to spoil her. She then talks about challenges that they have been facing recently, like death of a relative and sickness of both her and her husband. She tells us that these are tests to their relationship if they would leave each other. But they remembered the wedding vows "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part." This made her strong during her sickness (she got sick because she was too stressed with a death of a relative, and working too hard to pay for the medical bills). She went into a coma, and with her strength she asked God to give her another chance, to live her life to the fullest by loving her family. These challenges helped here become a better wife, by doing her responsibilities like cooking for her husband before he comes home from work (making sure food is on the table when he comes back, she mentions). She also handles the financial part of the family, and takes into consideration the needs of the other members.

The quote she said that struck me the most was "Life is what you make it." 

Lastly, the speaker mentioned about the 7 Deadly Sins and they are not helpful in a married life. She has concrete examples for each, and ways on how to avoid them. Anger/Wrath, do not be angry all the time, and be calm when dealing with situations. Gluttony, it is not only applicable in food but also in money, do not overspend or overeat and waste God's blessings. it would lead to serious problems. Sloth, by being lazy, spiritually and physically. Envy, being jealous and desire to feel discontent. Pride, she says each person in a relationship should lower down their pride and talk to each other calmly. Greed, excessive desire of material possessions. Lust, which also relates to the uncontrolled desire for money, food, fame, etc.. These are the things that we should avoid in a relationship even if me and my partner are not married and learn to be contented with the things in life.

The most handsome guy at the left is me of course :)

The year written in the certificate was a typo error, I added a picture of me and my classmates outside the church of San Agustin for further proof.